Is it the cold, dark, stormy weather? Is it the pre-menstrual syndrome? Why do I feel so sad? Why do I cry? All these bloody questions. I feel so inadequate, constantly unable to offer satisfying answers to my self-conjured questions.

I am a cynic. I am full of it. Cynicism, that is. Somebody please get rid of it ... not all though. I would need some, to ensure my survival. Nobody survives without a small amount of cynicism. We can't weigh decisions without it and we won't make sound conclusions with it either. Too much is no good, too less is no good. I want to have the right measurement of cynicism as an ingredient among many others, to make myself an ideal person.

They say experiences make one stronger. I think mine have made me heartless. They have numbed me to other humans' emotions. When they are hurting, I am absolutely incredulous at their lack of control over their sadness. Seeing them with heartaches, I don't believe it cannot be conquered. But when the pain appears in my very being ... it becomes a whole different story. Why is that so? Why do I even have such double standards of self and others? I am no better than the rest out there in this harsh world, their pain is very much as real as mine. How can I scorn them and their pain, when I embrace mine with fully outstretched arms.

And how I brush away others' pain, and how I always repeatedly drill it into their heads how they're strong ... they'll get over it ... it's not the end of everything etc etc, I wish I could hammer those inside my thick skull as well. I've always thought of the mind as a powerful tool, and it's just a matter of whether one knows how to rein proper control of it. And once that is mastered, one can overcome anything physical and/or emotional. However, I watched something yesterday, and in that particular moving emotional scene, the man said this in a very evocative tone, "The heart is stronger than the mind".

"My heart can't carry much more it's really really aching and sore,
My heart don't care anymore I really can't bear more ... "

-->The Cardigans - Couldn't Care Less<--

(And I leave you with a song Lana sent, that never fails to make me cry.)

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