They say everyone has a purpose in life. It's almost a full 23 years of my life, and yet I still don't see the faintest clue as to what my purpose could be. Almost every pathetic aspect of my life is disappointing and depressing.

They say every family has its problems and its dysfuntions, hell yeah. But mine's also a bloody psycho family, with immense pretense and cover-ups. We're always pushing things under the carpet, with the grand facade that everything is fine and dandy. Bullshit. I don't know when my breaking point is, but I feel its increasing draw to the end. Money is not everything, but it's a lot of things. I wish I had money, so I don't have to put up with everyone's whims and fancies just because I'm living under your roof, or just because I'm the eldest child.

It's so ironic and amazing, how my family is so 'kantang', but their mentality is so bloody traditionally Chinese. Like I said; facade galore.

Have you ever had to share a room with a younger sibling? Who has a major attitude problem? That friends you know for 10 years, who have seen her 10 years ago, and now, say that she has the same attitude problem? So, imagine ... I've had to live with this all the time, plus the fact that every wrong thing the precious younger siblings commit? Tis my fault.

I don't know what to do. Here I am, having a job that has no basic pay, has no CPF, has no employee benefits, has no steady stream of income. I really don't know and can't recall what possessed me to accept this job out of the rest. I am doing something that I never even thought I'd ever do, and the worst part of it all ... I'm not really liking it.

There's just stress in every corner wherever I turn ... I'm so tired.

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