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Tuesday, July 26 There will be no looking back, and no room for regrets. Hmm, and that line has been discontinued for the past 2.5hrs. Do I really have nothing to say? Au contraire. Gazillion and one pieces of nonsense clamoring to be morphed into audible well-formed words, that are in dire need of acknowledgment. The physical pain that I am unfortunately experiencing right now, is certainly paralysing my fingers. The pain shoots right up to them fingertips, preventing my otherwise somewhat fluid, drum-like rhythms of my keystrokes. Help. But I know that this pain is all for the best. Maybe it's a mandatory punishment for the sticky predicament that I have put myself in. A sharp pain just shot through my sore system, thereby solidifying my suspicions that I deserve this manhandling chastisement. Help Help. Why do I cry for help. Am I so stubbornly blind, or do I not realise that help is all around. It is in me - the one person who can help myself most effectively. Do I believe in karma. I do. What goes around comes around. But what one has been giving me, has yet to boomerang back right at one's face. I know that it eventually will (I hope you know it too, and please be prepared), albeit not entirely in the same context. The irony of my sorrowful plight, is that the physical pain I'm enduring right now hurts so much but I don't want it to stop because I know, it's ultimately good for me. Whereas the other pain that I put myself through could actually be more excruciating. One big difference is, I do want the latter pain to stop because I know, it is detrimental to me. But I simply can't. Such are a pain-enduring fool's unheard laments that tremble with the mere vibrations of her secret fears. It is essential to forget everything we need to forget. "I don't think it's gonna happen anymore, you took my thoughts from me. Now I want nothing more. And did you think you could just take it all away?" -->The Cranberries - Twenty One<--
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Wednesday, July 13 I have been drinking every night since last Tues ... except for Sunday, where Lay refused to let me drink. Say hi to my spoiling liver, and emerging beer belly. I also have been guilty of ... having regular suppers. *Glares at Lay* Now who's the culprit. I've been eating so much, guess nobody will comment again that I've lost weight, ha. I am right on track, on track to be a fat Pig. And that's pig with a capital "P". (Sniffles and snorts) -->Narcotic Thrust - I Like It<--
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Saturday, July 2 And so I am finally home, at this ungodly hour. I have to awake at 8am, to do a weekend surveying job...Shitty, yes. Dislike these kinds of approaching people, putting myself out in the open kinda jobs. Just too shy for it, makes me feel uncomfortable. Alright, most of you will be "What?! You shy?!" I get that a lot, really. But let's just say, the ones that really know me, know how shy I can be. However, I have no choice but to drag my sorry arse down to town this weekend. I am way too broke. Brought myself on a shopping spree this week, and boy, were Liza and Mabel shocked to see the closet shopaholic in me escape. Nah, I'm rarely like that, I don't blow money on shopping ... more on taxi fares, food, and drinks, ha. Well, twas all in the name of retail therapy. I am hungry. Should I resort to food therapy soon? Ahhh ... the woes of burnt pockets! Dang. Met Jill today after months of hiatus. Was so thrilled seeing her, my Hainanese sister. But what really interested me was the first thing she said when she saw me ... "Why you machiam sad like that?" And I was taken aback. I have never had any friend say that to me upon the first 4 seconds of meeting up! Then throughout dinner, she commented that I look haggard, she can tell that I'm sad, and what-have-yous. Am I really? I'm not sad la. Then Bee had to say later in the night, that I'm not looking too good. Hmmm! What's up with my friends ... perhaps they just haven't seen me in a long while. That must be it. Most friends say I have lost weight ... how could it possibly be? It is realistically impossible. Why? Because I just returned from a 19-day trip in Europe. Pasta, potatoes, rice, carbo! Oh dear, a sudden realisation just hit me. Maybe, just maybe ... I am finally starting to age. Physically. That explains the 'look so sad', 'look so haggard', 'not looking too good', 'lost weight' phenomena. Now the ageing, turning 21 haggard not-so-fat anymore girl needs to rest her throbbing head. "Captured effortlessly, that's the way it was, Happened so naturally, I did not know it was love ... " -->Chaka Khan - Ain't Nobody<-- |