I do not know why there is a constant air of tension and depression in my home. Even though I share a room with my sister, we don't talk anymore. Rather, she'll be snapping at me. Mind you, my sister is 4 years YOUNGER than I am. Teenage angst - as I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt. She used to tell me things, stuff that happened to her and her friends yadda yadda, but now, she just snaps when I try to talk to her. Like a red snapper (e.g. "What LAH!!?")

So I used to be close to my brother, albeit he's 8 years younger than I am ... Used to bring him on my runs; play basketball together; bring him for movies and talk about sports and music. Now? I hardly even get to see his face. The reason being not because I'm not at home often, it merely is because a) he sits himself right in front of the computer when he gets home, b) he sits himself right in front of the TV if my sis is hogging the computer, c) he locks himself in his room with his radio blasting. I suppose yeah, he's growing up, probably feels weird hanging out with his elder sister. (Again, benefit of the doubt)

Parents. I hardly hold proper conversations with them these days, because they mostly end in exasperation felt by both parties. My father, he's in and out and in and out of the house; my mother, she's stuck on her bed watching TV the whole night after coming home late from work. What about weekends, you think. Ah ... They are out of the house by the time I'm awake. It just gets tougher talking to them now, all they want to touch on is my future, why do I do this, why do I want to do that, why do I waste money (I assure you firmly, that I do NOT waste money. I love money!), why do I not start looking for a job bobloblah.

It isn't as if I am totally nonchalant about those factors. Of course I worry about my future, the ever-so-bleak future. But I'm a natural escapist, never liked to confront issues and to face the music. I run, metaphorically of course ... I mean, wouldn't want to cause Singapore to experience a little tremors. I am one who would rather take things a step at a time, live day by day and to play by ear. I cannot afford to worry about tomorrow and the day after, because the worry of today has not dissipated. Not to mention the regrets and sorrow of yesterdays ...

This might be by far the instance of me feeling so lost ever in my short 21.5 years of life. I need an anchor to make me grounded. I need, I need, I need ... So many things. My physical body is degenerating, my emotional self is jaded, my intellectual side has been stretched, my spiritual aspect has dwindled and waned.

Sounds like I'm in dire need for some uplifting to be done ...

-->The Cranberries - Disappointment<--

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