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Thursday, April 27 So the weariness of my ever famous mode of 59th-minute-of-the-11th-hour mugging has rained its dire consequences on me. Can't seem to stay awake once the sun sets, and that is bad because that is the time when I open my textbooks to read. I'm not a coffee drinker, but I have had to rely on it the past 2 nights. However, it does not seem to be working for me tonight. Everything just ain't well tonight. Wanted to speed through watching my webcast lectures, was doing fine for the 1st one, doubling the speed so I could get them done in half the time, but the NUS server always has problems! And all of a sudden, I could only watch the lectures at their original speed - TOO SLOW. So I gave up. Don't even have time to read through my lecture notes, so I don't know how I'm gonna prepare my cheat sheet. I'm pretty sure it won't make a difference for me tomorrow. And yes yes, I should stop ranting and get cracking. *scowls* -->Wyclef Jean ft. Shakira - Hips Don't Lie<--
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Thursday, April 20 There's big happiness that has long-term effects, and small teeny weeny ones that brighten up your days. Today I saw someone buy something for her friend, and I thought the gesture was nice and sweet, (well, the item was pretty too). Then I realised that it's been quite some time since I received a gift. Well, I'm not talking about those nicely-packaged presents in boxes with ribbons and bows given on a particular day (e.g. birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's etc). Just simple things that are bought when people think of me, or think/know that I like something. Although I must admit that I'm not much of a present-giver, and I'm really bad at choosing gifts and buying stuff for someone. But I do try! Receiving a small lil gift out of the blue can really make a difference. It's like a form of affirmation that someone actually cares, remembers, and thinks of you. I used to receive small lil presents pretty often from someone, and everytime I got something - small or big, cheap or expensive; it totally made me smile. I miss those lil happy surprises. Well, at least there was a point in time when someone actually cared and bothered. :) There's this Love Language Test, and I'm sure if I take it, my mode of showing my affection will definitely not be that of giving gifts. I show my affection in other ways, probably through 'physical touch' and 'words of affirmation'. But then again, I love to receive presents. Haha, c'mon ... don't we all? And I have a new favourite song for the moment, pretty catchy dumdidadidums ... Just tell me what you've got to say to me, I've been waiting for so long to hear the truth, It comes as no surprise at all you see, So cut the crap and tell me that we're through. Now I know your heart, I know your mind, You don't even know you're being unkind, So much for all your highbrow Marxist ways, Just use me up and then you walk away, Boy you can't play me that way. Well I guess what you say is true, I could never be the right kind of girl for you, I could never be your woman. When I saw my best friend yesterday, She said she never liked you from the start, Well me, I wish that I could claim the same, But you always knew you held my heart. And you're such a charming handsome man, Now I think I finally understand, Is it in your genes?, I don't know, But I'll soon find out, that's for sure, Why did you play me this way? Well I guess what you say is true, I could never be the right kind of girl for you, I could never be your woman. Well I guess what they say is true, I could never spend my life with a man like you, I could never be your woman. -->White Town - Your Woman<--
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Monday, April 17 I am supposed to be in the midst of yanking my hair out, trying to churn out a stupidly nauseating report for my experiment in "Laboratory for Cognitive Psychology" - Phonology and Orthography in a Letter Search Task. That's right my dears, puke your guts out. For me, at least ... Be sympathetic. You all know how bad I suck at Statistics. Bleargh. Anyhow, got into bed pretty late last night, was so tired but my body and mind just refused to rest. And just when the eyelids were getting heavy, the body was relaxing, a sudden realisation hit me that I only have 2 weeks left here. So just like that, I was jolted awake and could not get drowsy for quite a while again. I thought of all the things and comfort that I would be leaving behind for 4 months; about my wonderful bed and Orangie (so I snuggled by myself with my bed and Orangie even more); my clean and non-public toilet; my 24/7 internet accessible IBM; my constant stock of junk food in the cabinets and freezer. And the most important thing that I won't be seeing for quite a period - my family and friends. It just gets even worse when I don't really have that much time these last 2 weeks. Why? Cos of the cursed exams, that's why. It's an amazing phenomenon, what I experienced last night in bed. How in the world does someone get so homesick, even before she's away from home?! -->Radiohead & PJ Harvey - This Mess We're In<--
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Wednesday, April 12 We try; that is what we do a great big deal in our lives. All the time. People try to forgive, that I do fairly well. People try to forget, that I can't really do. People try to smile, fake big ones I always have. People try to be happy, but I end up being sad more. People try to give good, and pain is what's returned to me. People try to move forward, but I'm always blocked by another's shadow in front. People try to walk away, but I find myself shamelessly crawling back. We try, I try ... but I guess sometimes I don't try hard enough. Do you? Do you even try at all. -->Madonna - Frozen<--
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Saturday, April 8 The mind is a very wonderful, and powerful tool. It holds many distant memories of good times, and I know it won't let go of them anytime soon. I don't need the presence of the people that created those wonderfully glorious memories, all I know is that the gorgeous memories have been embedded in my mind. Sometimes things will never revert to what they were, and memories are all we have to remind us of the good times, and that will be what I hold dear to my heart. A person can only be stretched this far, and anything beyond that is unthinkable ... Goodbye cruel world, and hello all things happy and nice. -->PJ Harvey - A Place Called Home<--
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Sunday, April 2 And so my belief about life has been reinforced. Everything happens for a reason indeed. There was a reason why I could not withdraw my Work and Travel USA programme and had to go along with it. Then at that point in time, the reason was unknown. But this fine Sunday morning, being awoken by a very rude and immature SMS, the reason came to light. A friend sms'ed me a few days ago, asking me if I thought he was too nice as he felt that nice people always lose in the race to the 'bad' ones, and that nice people always get taken advantage of. I said, yeah, he is nice, but people who are truly nice are the way they are without expecting anything in return from the rest, for they are only being true to themselves by being nice. Now let me tell you this. This day, on the 2nd of April, 2006, I retract what I said to him. People who are nice DO get taken advantaged of - they get made used of, they get lied to, they get treated like rotten dirty panties and get cast aside after use. Just like that, with a snap of your fingers. And I say, people who are nice are being plain stupid. I want to be mad, I want to be frustrated, filled with rage so that it will be easier for me. But those angry emotions are not within my grasp ... All that is enveloping me are immense hurt, and utmost disappointment. Today, someone very close to me betrayed me. She made me walk the plank with no room for consideration. This very day, I lost a very good friend. Leave the body, leave the mind Leave the body, leave the mind Every promise every place behind I just happend to feel so alone for today for all days to come I just wanna be wanna be gone I just wanna be wanna be gone Leave the quiet, leave the night Leave the quiet, leave the night Broken feelings of dreams out of sight Pictures in your head at night For tonight for all nights to come Erased for good and always gone Erased for good and always gone Leave the city, leave the cold Leave the city, leave the cold Young people far too old Let me cross a very fine line for today for a lifetime For today for a lifetime Leave the body, leave the mind Let me Leave the body, leave the mind Every promise every place behind I just happend to feel so alone for today for all days to come for today for all days to come I just wanna be wanna be gone -->Anna Ternheim - To Be Gone<-- |