It is as though I am in constant pain. Pain in the broadest sense, pain in all senses in fact, and all aspects. Wherever I turn away from grief, I find grief staring right back at me all over again. A mockery, that's what it is. A helpless being like me, simply has no idea what to do to free herself from the clutches of pain. A friend said that I seem to be in a 'perpetual wreck'. Damn right you are.

Life's not a bed of roses, hell yeah. It seems more like a bed of thorns. Everyone knows that things will change, so we should be prepared for things to change for the worse and/or anticipate things to become better. After all, what's so down has no other direction to go but up, and vice versa. I hope the bed of thorns change soon.

The body is but a tangible breakable thing, it can only take that much. Beyond that threshold for bruises, it's done. The heart (not the organ itself), on the other hand, is an intangible entity. Oh but how breakable it can be. Bruised and battered, it cannot endure the intense, searing pain. The realisation that all was for naught.

I wish the tranquility and serenity I felt on Saturday night lasted. The semi-high state after consumption of alcohol, the soothing waves washing over shore, the sparkling stars that seem to tell me everything's gonna be alright, lying on the soft sand without a care in the world ... A pity it lasted for a very brief moment. A great pity. Oh how much I'd give to be the old me. To be the not nice person, to be the fiesty me again. To be the strong me.

Funny how we think we know someone, because we've been friends for years, and because we've been close friends even and then sometimes we find out things about them that are so unlike what we were predisposed to. Are you not taken aback? When you see such an ugly side of somebody close to you, somebody you love? I'm sure my good friends feel appalled when they see the ugly side of me. I'm sorry if I scared you earlier tonight, Lay. I guess you realised I'm not as strong as you all thought I was.

The duality of human nature is a delicate balance that is consistently teetering over a precarious edge. As a Libran, I sure hope I maintain that inner balance well enough.

Life is full of treacherous winding turns. At a glance, all its sweetness inadvertently lifts you up, but if you peruse life deeper, the hideous manifestations of all things bad poke at your inner core. Ah, the wretched things that happen. Disappointment all around. Agony and anguish extinguish all zest.

Oh, and before I forget ... I bring new meaning to the word 'careless'. I lose things, and I have lost myself.


Friends we've been for so long
Now true colors are showing
Makes me wanna cry oh yes it does
Cuz I had to say goodbye

By now I should know
That in time things would change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

How can I adjust
To the way that things are going
It's killing me slowly
Oh I just want it to be how it used to be

Cuz I wish that I could stay
But in time things must change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

You cannot hide the way you feel inside I realize
Your actions speak much louder than words
So tell me why oh

By now I should know that
That in time things would change
So it shouldn't be it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

By now I should know
That in time things must change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

By now by now I should know
That in time things must grow
And I had to leave you behind
So why do I feel so sad
If it couldn't be that bad
Tell me why

By now I should know
That in time things would change
So it shouldn't be so bad
So why do I feel so sad

-->Alicia Keys - Why Do I Feel So Sad<--

|