It was all there is to it, how blind sighted I was. Even the times where I'm as innocent as a lil cherubim, I can never emerge victorious. The results repeat themselves. The lonesome, pitiful creature wailing and begging for mercy. Ah, the woes of not being able to express oneself eloquently. Ideas get misconstrued and frustration hits a skyhigh. I've never felt so misunderstood in such a long time.

Oh what I'd give to be able to go out for a drive, sit somewhere quiet and just let it all out, instead of having to control the torrents in my room. Funny how I had to turn to a good friend half the world away, and as always, she offered me encouragement and support. But that moment of positivity dissipated as slowly as it came, like a 2-tonne weight sinking lower and lower to the bottom of the sea.

I seem to have lost myself. I'm begging for things, when it wasn't even my wrongdoing in the first place. I don't know how, but the tables always turn around against me. I have no idea how it's done. So that's when the grovelling and the begging start. Why is it hard to see I need just a teeny bit more than before? My circumstances now are not what they used to be. The woes of longing and pining ...

Why can't we do things out of our own initiative and not be told to? It starts even as young students, our parents have to nag at us to do our homework, or to study. Innately, we should be aware what different roles entail being a student, a mother, a nurse, a girlfriend, a friend etc. I don't like being told what to do, that's for sure. Besides, I don't like telling people what to do either.

All in all, the one thing that stands in the way of most good things waiting to happen is, our own big fat sillyass prides.

<--Adele - Melt My Heart To Stone<--

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